No awkward lesbian experiences without me
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Fuck appropriateness.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
