forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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