before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
