How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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