I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
