is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
