I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
