The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
