your room smells of hookers.
And success
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
