why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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