i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
