i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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