even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize