If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Semen is not good for contacts.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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