do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
