stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
