You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
