We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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