Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
