I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
