I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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