I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
