i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
