apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My dick has a subreddit
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
