last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
