I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
