I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize