TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
