im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
