i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
