Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
