remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
