i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
