You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
