I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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