Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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