a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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