I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
