my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
