Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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