I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
