If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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