I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
