Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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