Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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