I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
