i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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