I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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