You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
where am i from again
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
