I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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