I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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