u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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