Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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