i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
