i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
