broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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