it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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