matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize