you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
