there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
