Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Enjoy the penises
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
