It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
