im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
