"it" just moved
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
