just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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