I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
