non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
