Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize