You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
