From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
