i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
When are your genitals available?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
