My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
